COLLEGE MEN, ATTENTION

Debatably the most helpless species on this planet
  1. When I text you at 2am it is not because you romantically showed up in my dream
  2. Me and tequila me are two different people, plan accordingly
  3. Do not ask me how my day is going every single day. I had class and work and I'm tired and need an adderall. This is a consistent feeling.
  4. I do not care about your high school girlfriend
  5. You should not care about my high school boyfriend
  6. "EDM" is not an acceptable answer to give when asked what type of music you like
  7. You are not having a threesome with my roommate and I
  8. My friends know everything about everything about you
  9. Sleepovers are for my girlfriends, not for you
  10. Buying me food with your meal plan is not a date, neither is drunk pizza
  11. The salmon colored pants have got to go-save your vineyard vines for the Fratalina Wine Mixer
  12. Snapchats of you chugging beer at 9 am do not make me think you're cool in any way shape or form
  13. Getting me a drink at an open bar is not you buying me a drink
  14. Telling me your major as a pick-up tactic will never work. Unless your pre-med
  15. If you tell me you're a finance major planning on going into investment banking, I already know you're a douche you don't have to try to prove it further.
  16. Moral of the story, college is about my girls my grades and having a good time making fun of yall.