COLLEGE MEN, ATTENTION
Debatably the most helpless species on this planet
- •When I text you at 2am it is not because you romantically showed up in my dream
- •Me and tequila me are two different people, plan accordingly
- •Do not ask me how my day is going every single day. I had class and work and I'm tired and need an adderall. This is a consistent feeling.
- •I do not care about your high school girlfriend
- •You should not care about my high school boyfriend
- •"EDM" is not an acceptable answer to give when asked what type of music you like
- •You are not having a threesome with my roommate and I
- •My friends know everything about everything about you
- •Sleepovers are for my girlfriends, not for you
- •Buying me food with your meal plan is not a date, neither is drunk pizza
- •The salmon colored pants have got to go-save your vineyard vines for the Fratalina Wine Mixer
- •Snapchats of you chugging beer at 9 am do not make me think you're cool in any way shape or form
- •Getting me a drink at an open bar is not you buying me a drink
- •Telling me your major as a pick-up tactic will never work. Unless your pre-med
- •If you tell me you're a finance major planning on going into investment banking, I already know you're a douche you don't have to try to prove it further.
- •Moral of the story, college is about my girls my grades and having a good time making fun of yall.