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All the times there was no buffer between YES! and ARGGGGUAHH!
  1. Floppy bacon to crisp bacon to burnt bacon
    Yes! Yes! Just a second loooooonger... Damn.
  2. Thinking you have to pee a little and realizing you'll never make it to a bathroom in time.
  3. Politely beeping at the person who hasn't noticed that the light turned green and HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK! I WILL MURDER YOUR WHOLE FAMILY WITH A TIRE IRON!
2 more...
I think they'd be terrific
  1. Ability to time travel but only while touching an object and then you just get to see where that object has been from the start of its existence up till now.
    No worries, you can totally speed it up so it's like watching a movie montage because we all know there is going to be a lot of time spent lost in attics, drawers, or just watching the landscape slowly change.
  2. Ability to force other people to be punctual.
    You said we would end at 2:00. I used to just force choke you with my imagination when you went past time but now it's for real. We end at 2:00.
  3. Ability to redirect all the energy my body puts into growing unwanted body hair into something more useful.
    Like knowing which way is North. Or maybe not needing to drink so much effing coffee
2 more...
I'm apologizing in advance for how long this is
  1. Chris Evans keeps reading Clarkson's scripts
    Poorly. He reads them poorly
  2. Chris Evans keeps trying to replace competence with enthusiasm
  3. Why can we not get a preface to the segments? Why are you just showing me videos of cars without any explanation?!
    I can't care about this Mclaren until you give me some effing background, Evans
5 more...
This should probably be volume 1
  1. Bad smells make me laugh hysterically
    This is incriminating at best
  2. I once made my prom date wait 3 whole days before agreeing to go with him
    I am the actual worst
  3. I spend more time on comebacks than actual arguments
    It's a slow burn but it gets the job done
2 more...