A GUIDE TO FOOD ALLERGIES FOR THE PERSON WHO DOESN'T HAVE FOOD ALLERGIES

  1. Mention if you put something unusual in a dish that doesn't traditionally have it.
    Like peanut butter in chili, or walnut oil in a cocktail. it's apparently very common but might be easy for an allergic person to forget to ask. It's our responsibility to be up front about allergies, but do us a solid and mention if you put your nuts somewhere they don't belong.
  2. Wash your hands like Lady Macbeth.
    The food might have oils that can transfer from the offending food to your hands. These oils can cause a reaction just by touching an allergic person. I once had both my eyes swell shut because I held hands with someone.
  3. Don't use the same knife.
    It might be ok for the pecan pie to be next to the pumpkin pie but please don't use the same knife for both!
  4. You can't pick the offending food out.
    Because of the aforementioned oils, they've made their mark and even the trace amounts left behind have the potential to be deadly. You need to start over. Sorry. But more ice cream for you! Just be careful about what you do with your mouth next.
  5. Don't kiss the girl.
    The kiss of death. Yes, it has happened. People have died after kissing someone who ate something they were allergic to.
  6. A seed/nut and seed/nut oil are the same thing.
    The oil gets pressed out of the seeds. A person with a sesame seed allergy also definitely has a sesame oil allergy. Keep this in mind when cooking and also maybe when giving a sensual massage. I don't know your life, I'm just trying to spare you a trip to the ER on your first sleepover date.
  7. The epi-pen goes in the thigh.
    NOT THE HEART. Pulp Fiction was wrong! Epinephrine does not get injected in the heart! I'm so scared I will have passed out from anaphylaxis before I can tell you this but please please don't stab me in the heart.
  8. It's not a lie.
    I know people are lying about allergies to avoid certain ingredients. I'm sorry they do this. Please don't play culinary chicken with me if you think I'm exaggerating when I tell you I will die. I almost did when a server didn't take me seriously.
  9. Yes, I've heard it.
    My allergy is to nuts, as you may have gathered from this list. Yes, I've heard every joke. Yes, my poor husband.