HOW TO BE A GOOD HOUSE GUEST

How to be a good house guest (if you ever want to be invited back).  This includes "family":
  1. COVER YOUR MOUTH when you cough or yawn, and cover your nose when you sneeze.  Don't fart or pick your nose or your teeth unless you are alone in the bathroom.
  2. SAY PLEASE and thank you, a lot. Give thanks.  Take nothing for granted.  Offer to help (even if it is never accepted).
  3. DON'T BE GRUMPY or snappy or bossy or overly-opinionated or judgmental or angry or pouty.  Be happy.  If you are grumpy, have a glass of wine or go for a walk.
  4. DON'T BE PHONE-Y - take and make phone calls away from other people.  Go out of the room if you talk loudly.  Silence your phone or quieten the ding/ring/beep or whatever quacking noises it makes every 30 seconds.  And for FUCK SAKE don't take or make phone calls or texts in the middle of dinner or while we are conversing.
  5. RESPECT other people's space, privacy and energy.  If you are asked to do/not to do something, respect their wishes even if you don't agree.
  6. DON'T MAKE MESSES.  If you make a mess, clean it up.
  7. OFFER TO SHARE, but don't touch other people's food unless offered.
  8. DON'T BORROW anything without asking, and don't touch anyone else's electronics.
  9. DON'T EXPECT TO BE SERVED - if you need a maid, a butler, a chauffer or a therapist, take your vacation elsewhere.
  10. WEAR YOUR HEARING AIDS!