1. When you pick up your phone, your lock screen says "December"
  2. Everything around you is decorated for the holidays and it says "holidays"
  3. You woke up next to a reindeer. Oh god
  4. Presents!
  5. You swap out your cane for a candy cane!
  6. You suffer an awful fall because candy canes are far smaller and more brittle than true canes
  7. People are cheerful and shit
  8. Thanksgiving is but a gravy feverdream
  9. You can't find a single pumpkin
  10. Fucking presents
  11. You substitute eggnog for coffee creamer and for milk and for water and for toothpaste