WHEN I BADLY BURNED MYSELF TONIGHT (IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER)

the story of what came after i wrapped my entire hand around a metal skillet handle that had been in my 400 degree oven for 45 minutes...
  1. SH*T !#%* EFFF D#!% (literally every cuss word) while jumping into the air like 10 feet high. swear I almost hit my head on the ceiling.
  2. Turn on sink and stick hand under running water
  3. Water is scolding
  4. All the cuss words again
  5. Hear Céu scratching on the door and let her in (why did I do that?)
  6. Start crying
  7. tears
  8. tears (looks at hand pitifully)
  9. tears
  10. Audibly sobbing at this point looking at hand
  11. But the food's gonna get cold and Adam just got out of the shower.
  12. Must cut pork tenderloin that almost just melted my hand off
  13. Cutting pork tenderloin. Crying on it.
  14. Make Adam's plate
  15. Try to act like nothing happened and tell him dinner's ready
  16. But I'm really bad at doing that so as soon as he started talking I replied with, "I just burnt myself really bad."
  17. More tears.
  18. Adam tells me to put butter on it
  19. Eat a little bit of dinner with right hand covered in butter and then say forget this I'm not even hungry
  20. Adam tells me to put hand above my head to decrease blood flow aka throbbing pain in hand
  21. It actually helps
  22. Lay down in bed while Adam is sitting next to me.
  23. I tell him to, "Be my friend" in a whiny, I just almost burned my whole arm off kind of way
  24. He rolls his eyes and tells me to put essential oils on my poor burnt hand
  25. I text Mamma Grace. She says lavender is the way to go
  26. The whole house smells like lavender
  27. My skin is shriveling up and I'm honestly freaked out
  28. Keeping my hand wrapped around a cold PBR editing my sister's paper about Donald Trump
  29. Wondering
  30. Why in the hell did I grab that handle?
  31. And just decided
  32. I'm never cooking dinner again