Tips & Tricks for Instant Comedy Gold

Tools for survival in a slow conversation
  1. Compare anything to a soft taco
    Yoga instructor 1: "This guy has the aerobic capacity of a soft taco!" Yoga instructor 2: "I know!"
  2. Naming your future hottub
    "If I ever get a hot tub, i'm gonna call it: The Poon-Lagoon"
  3. Finding similes
    "Beards are like pubes, but slightly classier"
  4. Finding oxymorans
    Smooth Jazz, Apple Customer Service, Subway: Eat Fresh
  5. Saying: "not with that attitude"
    FRIEND: "The snow melted! I guess we're not going bob-sledding..." YOU: "Well not with that attitude!"