She just turned 50. She's from New York. Her hair is so big because it's full of conspiracy theories. She will shop at 10 different stores to make sure she gets the cheapest deals on everything. She gives me coupons she doesn't want. Catch phrases: "Oh HUnny" (sassy, not pitying), "Can you believe that??" "And I said...whuaat?"
  1. "If you like chicken McNuggets, you'll love squirrel."
  2. "I went to google and I googled it"
    You know, instead of taking one of the other options the site offers.
  3. Upon picking up the phone "I was just about to call you! You must have ESPN!"
    Sports Center said you might be calling!
  4. "I like that Food Network show, Diners, Dives, and Drive-bys"
    Watch out for that Guy Fieri.
  5. "They even have a jukebox--remember back in the day, you'd put a quarter in and everything?"
    She was speaking to a 65 year old co-worker. As if nobody younger than 50 knows what a jukebox is?
  6. "You know, sauerkraut. It's rotted, but it isn't rotted."
    Schrodinger's cabbage