JOBS I'VE HELD IN THE PAST

All the lives I may have had lead to this
  1. Paper sorter, age 16
    AKA paper-cuts patient
  2. Finance assistant, age 16
    Learnt to never work with family
  3. Yahoo porn content blacklister, age 18
    All porn, all day long! This was in days of dial-up and online porn was just raw and minutes-long. And, trusting an 18-year-old to blacklist porn?
  4. CBTL barista, age 19
    Free food!
  5. Japanese bookstore softporn magazine assistant, age 20
    The magazines are vacuum wrapped and could be opened on request. The leers, though never for me, took some time to get used to.
  6. Substitute Teacher, age 21
    Those who can't, teach, and obviously I can 😎 I lasted just 2 weeks at this job and realised that I can't teach for nuts. I salute you teachers as you have a greater higher power than I ever imagined.
  7. Advertising executive, age 22
    Believe the lie.
  8. Dental survey assistant, age 23
    I met many lonely foreign housewives who were just dying for interaction.
  9. Dental assistant, age 23
    Pretty sure I never want to have such intimate knowledge of a stranger's bone and saliva management ever again.
  10. Hotel office manager, age 24
    Never learnt the 'work-with-family' lesson
  11. Marketing assistant, age 26
    You are the lie.