If I Could

I'm sober but listing like I'm drunk
  1. If I could text him
  2. Not a booty call.... just a "I don't want to be alone"
  3. "My brain is spinning/come distract me"
  4. "I've forgotten what intimacy is like/remind me"
  5. "Come cuddle with me and let that be enough"
  6. Those sorts of texts
  7. I would, if I could
  8. He's strangely stuck in my head, considering I shut him down a few weeks ago
  9. He was drunk
  10. And I was drunk
  11. And I was smart to say no in that instance
  12. But now he's been in my head
  13. Probably just because he showed a modicum of interest
  14. I'd probably push him away if I actually had another shot
  15. Apparently that's what I do
  16. But when he didn't come to the party tonight....
  17. I was bummed
  18. And I was in a mood to do something drastic
  19. Because I want to feel something other than this all-consuming anxiety
    Duh can't get through a list without mentioning my #anxiety
  20. And I wish I just could text him and say
  21. Hey
  22. Come over
  23. I don't want to be alone
  24. Distract me
  25. Please