Wrestling

  1. On Saturday night I hung out with a friend I haven't seen in a while.
  2. She told me about how she went to the doctor for her anxiety and got on some meds and 6 free appointments with a therapist.
  3. I told her I was really proud of her and that she was doing an awesome, healthy thing.
  4. I said the same thing to a different friend this summer.
  5. I say this to anyone to whom it is appropriate to say it.
  6. Getting help for mental health issues is awesome. It's important; it's brave; there is no need to feel any shame.
  7. So why won't I do it for myself?
  8. I had a breakdown this weekend. My anxiety is through the roof. I am scratching my skin raw because I constantly feel bugs crawling on my skin. I was an hour late to work yesterday because I had to knock myself out with cold meds to get to sleep.
  9. But I can't bring myself to go to the doctor.
  10. Dear, true friends who love me and want the best for me are telling me it's the right thing to do.
  11. Soon my parents are probably going to join the chorus.
  12. They're all right.
  13. So why aren't I doing it?
  14. What the hell is scaring me so bad?