Ugh #3 gets me..
  1. You exited a butthole and ended up in a toilet
    Rough, buddy, you've been dumped.
  2. You're in a trash dump.
    I know it feels like the end of the world because you've been dumped, but it's not. You'll get over the smell.
  3. You're steamed pork inside of a dough wrapper.
    Actually, you didn't get dumped, you're a dumpling. More precisely, a wonton.