THE 6 STAGES OF EATING A YARD STICK OF TOBLERONE ON A 6 HOUR FLIGHT
Italian airports sell 3 foot long Toblerone bars. This is my story.
- •Unwrapping the barOh man. This is it. Why you've been buying regular size Toblerone bars, I don't know, but everything changes after today. When you see people eating the "single serving" size (hint: it's called *single* serving for a reason- they ain't gettin' laid), you're gonna laugh at what you used to be. This 6 hour flight is gonna fly by (nice pun).
- •The first few bitesWOW. W-O-W. Why would anybody buy a yard stick of any other candy? Probably because there isn't a demand. It's simple business fundamentals. You don't see a yard stick of Hershey's chocolate or Twix because only CHUMPS would eat them! It's awful brand perception! Oh man, you're only a couple inches in too! You get to ride this honey and chocolate powered train for another 34 inches! Toot toot, all aboard!!
- •Finishing the equivalent of a regular sized Toblerone barOk damn, when you bought that Toblerone bar, everybody laughed at you. They thought you fell for a gimmick. The only thing I've fallen for is the desire to buy stock in Toblerone, inc. This Toblerone chocolate isn't the only thing that's gonna be rich!
- •Finishing 1 foot of TobleroneHm. Ok, maybe I just need to drink some water. That'll help. It still tastes good, right? You know, let me drink the water first. Ok. Huh. Does this water taste like chocolate and honey to anyone else? That's all I'm tasting. Let me have a bite of your crackers just to cleanse my palette. Ok yeah I think this chocolate and honey flavor is just gonna have to be waited out.
- •All 3 feet in your stomachThis is the part where I threw up
- •Never being able to eat honey again