the strange vulnerability of summertime

  1. summer is so many possibilities and opportunities
  2. but
  3. i'm just drifting
  4. i feel like i'm watching myself live in an out of body experience
  5. i'm going to take amtrak up to visit my grandparents because my grandpa isn't "doing well"
  6. the kind of doing that means me listening on the phone in my dad's office, holding my breath to so that this conversations aren't censored for my benefit
  7. the kind of doing that means i should see him this summer, because who knows what can happen when you're 91 and your body is breaking
  8. july is usually one of the fun months
  9. but so far it's sucked
  10. i'm just drifting in and out of consciousness of my own life
  11. and it feels terrible
  12. but carry on, carry on