HOW TO RUIN A RELATIONSHIP

Or maybe strengthen it?
  1. Text your s/o "I hate everyone."
    Even if this text immediately follows the Spurs losing Game 7 to the Clippers. Especially if it fells right in the moment.
  2. Say, "I love you more than anything."
    ...while looking at the dog.
  3. Fill the sink with dirty dishes.
    Then promise you'll do them after you take a break. Watching the full season of Unbreakable doesn't count as a break.
  4. Rub said s/o's belly and tell him/her "I love you even if you have a little belly."
    Apparently no one wants to hear this (or feel this). Ever. Ever.
  5. Mess up s/o's perfect piles.
    Nobody likes a bully. Even if you're just being a sour patch kid.