REASONS TO DISLIKE THE SECURITY GUARD IN THE MALL I WORK IN WHO I HAVE NICKNAMED 'PUD'.

  1. He looks like a malnourished Hugh Dancy
    I will always prefer Mads Mikkelsen's Hannibal to Dancy's Will Graham.
  2. He is weak as shit
    This is pure conjecture, but still accurate.
  3. Previous nicknames have included Hugh Dancy Mall Cop, The Weak One, The Mouse One
    All accurate nicknames, not all coined by me
  4. He regularly looks pathetic
    Once walked around with his shoelaces untied for more than two hours
  5. If his footsteps made an audible sound I am certain they would make a 'pud' sound
    Hence the nickname. Not a thump, a stomp or even a plop. A fucking pud.
  6. Last night at work he turned off the escalator as I was walking towards it.
    I was literally within 10 metres of the escalator and he turned it off and then pudded past me.
  7. He is more scared of shoplifters than they are of him.
    Once was called to a store about a shoplifter, asked the girl if she was stealing, she said no (even though she had been caught with stuff in her bag) and so he let her go.
  8. He possesses absolutely no authority in his overall demeanour.
    I literally do not understand how he has been employed as a security guard.