REASONS TO DISLIKE THE SECURITY GUARD IN THE MALL I WORK IN WHO I HAVE NICKNAMED 'PUD'.
- •He looks like a malnourished Hugh DancyI will always prefer Mads Mikkelsen's Hannibal to Dancy's Will Graham.
- •He is weak as shitThis is pure conjecture, but still accurate.
- •Previous nicknames have included Hugh Dancy Mall Cop, The Weak One, The Mouse OneAll accurate nicknames, not all coined by me
- •He regularly looks patheticOnce walked around with his shoelaces untied for more than two hours
- •If his footsteps made an audible sound I am certain they would make a 'pud' soundHence the nickname. Not a thump, a stomp or even a plop. A fucking pud.
- •Last night at work he turned off the escalator as I was walking towards it.I was literally within 10 metres of the escalator and he turned it off and then pudded past me.
- •He is more scared of shoplifters than they are of him.Once was called to a store about a shoplifter, asked the girl if she was stealing, she said no (even though she had been caught with stuff in her bag) and so he let her go.
- •He possesses absolutely no authority in his overall demeanour.I literally do not understand how he has been employed as a security guard.