THE STAGES OF BREAKING IN NEW DOC MARTENS

  1. Oh. This is fine. What was I even worried about?
  2. Okay so maybe I was wrong earlier. But I mean this isn't so bad.
  3. Shit. That's pinching.
  4. Oh yes. That's right. There's that amalgamation of sharp and aching pain.
  5. If I squat, all of my weight is on the balls of my feet and my heels can have a break.
  6. My fucking balls hurt.
  7. My feet balls.
  8. The balls of my feet.
  9. My brain is fried, I'm dying. This is what death feels like.
  10. I could take them off.
  11. But if I take them off now my feet will swell and I'll need to put them back on later to walk home.
  12. Could I walk home barefoot?
  13. No, the ground has stones and glass. Your feet will get cuts, it will take two days get get home.
  14. My socks feel damp. Is it sweat or blood?
  15. Is it pee? Has the pain caused me to piss down my leg?
  16. No, it's not that bad, I have not wet myself because my feet hurt.
  17. I could take my shoes off and taxi home.
  18. ALANA DON'T BE RIDICULOUS YOU NEED TO BREAK THEM IN AND PLUS YOU HAVE THAT GIANT POWER BILL SO YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO SPEND MONEY ON MISCELLANEOUS TAXIS YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF YOU SHOULD HAVE BROKEN THEM IN BEFORE NOW YOU HAVE OWNED THEM FOR TWO YEARS
  19. Wait.
  20. I think my feet are numb.
  21. Wait no they're not.
  22. Yeah this is some bullshit.