1. In about a month and a half I am going to two different concerts by myself on consecutive nights
  2. I mean, I say that
  3. But I haven't bought my tickets
  4. I haven't booked flights
  5. And I haven't sussed accommodation.
  6. Because I'm so nervous about going to Auckland by myself
  7. And going to the shows by myself
  8. And being that like lonely person who is just hanging around "texting" between sets
    Let's be real that person is just pretending to text
  9. I've been that person before
  10. But not in (approximately) 4 years and 1 and a half months
  11. And not in a city (a big city) that I don't know at all
  12. And like I make pals pretty easily
  13. But I'm just nervous
  14. Like tonight there is a show on at Great Job
    Which is this place that a guy I know runs and they have shows there and heaps of like indie/punk/electronic bands an musicians play
  15. But my flatmate and her boyfriend aren't going anymore
  16. And my other flatmate decided not to go too
  17. And I'm like feeling super anxious about the fact that I never really do things anymore
  18. I used to go to shows alone all the time!
  19. I was this like fearless lil shit
  20. with floaty floral dresses and platform boots at punk shows in bars
  21. Just like wigglin my butt a lot
  22. And holding my arms up vertically in the air above my head and not moving them at all
    This is my fucking move btw. Just arms straight up in the air, dead still, moving only my hips/butt/legs. Goes perf with a cuppy good kicks!
  23. and I was 17 and underage but stroppy
  24. And now I'm almost 24 and I spend most of my time alone
  25. At home
  26. A lot of bad shit has happened in the time between then and now
  27. But idk
  28. It's weird
  29. Most of the time I'm super content and happy
  30. But I miss that fearlessness from before
  31. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot
  32. Like experiences
  33. And new friends
  34. All because I'm afraid to put myself out there
  35. Idk