THINGS I WISH I KNEW FOUR YEARS AGO

2.12.11
  1. That it wasn't my fault
  2. That just because I didn't scream doesn't make it my fault
  3. That just because I was drunk it doesn't mean I was asking for it
  4. That it's still rape even if there's not excessive violence and aggression
  5. That I'm not alone
  6. How brave it is to tell someone
  7. How the cliche of a 'weight being lifted' after you tell someone is actually true
  8. How supportive friends can be
  9. That being told 'there are nice guys out there' doesn't offer any comfort
  10. That no one has the right to know every detail just because they're interested
    My trauma is not your porn
  11. Who I could trust
  12. That just because I told someone my anxieties about still being a virgin at 19, doesn't mean this was "what you wanted though".
  13. That being a virgin at 19 isn't something to be anxious about
  14. That virginity is a social construct, created to shame women for their sexuality
  15. That I'm not defined by what is put inside of me
    Be that consensual or not
  16. That friends who use victim blaming language aren't really friends at all
  17. That saying no is not consenting
  18. That shaking my head is not consenting
  19. That trying to push him off me is not consenting
  20. That blacking out is not consenting
  21. That I am not asking for it unless I actually ask for it
  22. That just because he "wanted to hold me while I slept" doesn't mean I owed him that
  23. That just because I kissed him earlier in the night doesn't mean I owed him anything more
  24. That I did not choose for this to happen to me
  25. To not be ashamed
  26. That I did everything I could
  27. That my mum wouldn't be mad at me
  28. That my mum wouldn't be disappointed
  29. That 'other people having it worse' doesn't erase my own trauma
  30. That just because I didn't report it doesn't mean it didn't happen
  31. To never apologise for the way I choose to survive
  32. That rapists don't expose themselves as rapists
    They can look like anybody
  33. That fear of men is totally rational
  34. That fear of sex is totally normal
  35. That fear of physical contact in any form is totally understandable
  36. That my body belongs to me
  37. That sometimes it won't feel like my body belongs to me
  38. That I am the one who allows you to touch me
    You don't decide that. That is mine.
  39. That I'm not 'damaged goods'
  40. That my sexuality will be one giant question mark for a while and that's okay
  41. That I'll always be heartbroken for my teenage self
  42. That I'll always be angry for my teenage self
  43. That I'll always be sad for my adult self
  44. That I'll be okay
    Someday. Today is a bad day but it will pass and I know that.
  45. 💗💗💗💗💗