TODAY WAS A SMALL MILESTONE FOR ME

  1. Today I went for a walk to the mall I work in
  2. And I wore bare legs and a short skirt
  3. That's fucking huge for me
  4. Everyday, for years, I have hidden my legs in stockings or tights.
  5. Black stockings, control top stockings.
  6. Anything to hide my fat thighs.
  7. And today I went out, in public, with them exposed.
  8. And I felt happier than I have in a long time.
  9. I feel so good.
  10. I feel so proud of myself.
  11. For so long I have felt ashamed of my body
  12. And this is a huge step for me.
  13. But it makes me think of all of the awful, bad, sad things that lead me here
  14. Probably the most defining moment was when I was sixteen
  15. I was about 35kg lighter
    Close to 80lbs maybe? I'm from New Zealand, what is a pound????
  16. There was a girl who called herself my friend
  17. And she invited me over to her house after school
  18. And she took out a tape measure
  19. And she wrapped it around my waist
  20. And my hips
  21. And my thighs
  22. And told me it wasn't good enough
  23. And that we'd do this again next week
  24. And that next week it better be less.
  25. It never happened again,
  26. But once was enough to make me hate myself.
  27. To make me ashamed of my body.
  28. It took me until this year to even acknowledge that this was a thing that happened to me
  29. Because I was so ashamed
  30. Of allowing her to do that to me
  31. Of myself
  32. And now it's seven years later and I'm finally starting to love myself
  33. And love my body for what it is.
  34. I refuse to hide anymore
  35. I refuse to try to shrink myself anymore.
  36. Today was a small milestone for me
  37. But it's leading to something big
  38. And I am so happy