WAYS I AM A GOOD PAL

  1. I always have candy for you
  2. I will lend you books I love so you love them too
  3. I will lend you books I hate so I have someone to hate them with
  4. I will bring you frozen cokes and chicken nuggets some afternoons
  5. When you're sad I will douse you in glitter because sparkles on the outside can cheer you up on the inside
  6. I will listen to you before I interrupt you with something I very suddenly absolutely need to say but I will always remember to tell you to continue what you were saying once I'm done
  7. I will show up at your house with flowers when your grandparents die
  8. I will tag you in dozens of memes everyday
  9. I will courier you chocolates and scratchies when you're having a rough time
  10. I'm great at complaining about arbitrary shit which will make you feel comfortable to do the same
  11. I'll bring you home your favourite treats for no reason
  12. I will hold your hand when you're sad
  13. I will let you yell at me about all of the awful things you're mad about
  14. I will watch dumb TV with you when you just need to be distracted
  15. I will disappear when I know you need time to yourself
  16. I will throw old inside jokes at you when you least expect it
  17. I will return your things in the condition I got them in
  18. I will give you my old clothes because this butt is too fat for them all now and I know you'll look cute as fuck in them
  19. I'll chat to your mum and dad for ages and they'll always think of me as your weirdo bizarre friend
    This isn't a joke, one time I showed up at my pals place on her birthday dressed as Margaret McPoyle and her mum just chatted to me like normal. Jen told me later that her mum said after the time she caught us in the kitchen having gladwrapped our legs together to make mermaid tails and then fought each other with them, that nothing I did could ever surprise her.