Things I'm Too Old Not to Know How to Do

I'm in my mid-thirties, for god's sake.
  1. Make my bed properly
    My mom comes over once a week to watch our son and she makes our bed for us. I used to think it was a major crossing of boundaries, but now I'm just grateful that our sheets are tucked in properly for one fucking day of the week.
  2. Put on makeup
    I can do the basics, but that's it. I bet I should use foundation, for instance, BUT I DONT KNOW WHY OR HOW.
  3. Wrap leftovers
    Does this one need Saran Wrap? Tin foil? Can it be left loose on the counter or does this item need to be refrigerated? I never know.
  4. Set a table
    I never remember where the silverware goes, so I like to pretend I have my own way of doing it where you pile the forks in the middle and race for them.
  5. Curl my hair
    Each strand looks like I got a half-ass crimp job in the middle, with a completely straight end.
  6. Sew a button
    In a completely great role reversal, my dad always did it for me. So it's kind of a man's job.
  7. Plant any living thing
    I've tried a few times, but it either never grows, or gets eaten by an animal before I can even name it.