Things I'm Too Old Not to Know How to Do
I'm in my mid-thirties, for god's sake.
- •Make my bed properlyMy mom comes over once a week to watch our son and she makes our bed for us. I used to think it was a major crossing of boundaries, but now I'm just grateful that our sheets are tucked in properly for one fucking day of the week.
- •Put on makeupI can do the basics, but that's it. I bet I should use foundation, for instance, BUT I DONT KNOW WHY OR HOW.
- •Wrap leftoversDoes this one need Saran Wrap? Tin foil? Can it be left loose on the counter or does this item need to be refrigerated? I never know.
- •Set a tableI never remember where the silverware goes, so I like to pretend I have my own way of doing it where you pile the forks in the middle and race for them.
- •Curl my hairEach strand looks like I got a half-ass crimp job in the middle, with a completely straight end.
- •Sew a buttonIn a completely great role reversal, my dad always did it for me. So it's kind of a man's job.
- •Plant any living thingI've tried a few times, but it either never grows, or gets eaten by an animal before I can even name it.