I'm going to use "he" because I'm too lazy to write "he/she" every time.
  1. He offers advice when you ask, but more important, when you don't.
  2. He has an opinion on things that matter and watches John Oliver/Daily Show semi-regularly.
  3. He offers music suggestions of bands/artists you genuinely didn't know and who you now genuinely like.
  4. He apologizes after questionable racial jokes that miss the mark, but stands by making jokes and comedy as a whole.
  5. His stories have endings that justified the telling.
  6. You and your parents agree that he may or may not be blood-related.
  7. He admits to having farted.
  8. He makes you laugh when you're upset and agrees with you when you're pissed.
  9. He visits you in the hospital.
  10. He tells you how much you mean to him sober and not only when you're both on Molly (the drug, not the person).
  11. He calls you out when you're being annoying and or a jerk.
  12. He has a nickname for you.
  13. He's got your back in a theoretical fist fight (you know you'll never get in a real fight because you're Jewish)
  14. He calls you on the phone to talk.
  15. You love each other equally and always will.