THINGS I DO BEFORE I ACTUALLY WRITE

Because procrastination is the incubation of conceptualization.
  1. 1.
    Think about how today is the day I will write the best thing I've ever written!!!
  2. 2.
    Eat food. Snack on shit. I could have just eaten a feast, it doesn't matter. Sometimes rice crackers because the crunch is spectacular.
  3. 3.
    Stare at the daddy long legs crawling along my dusty ceiling in most rooms of my house.
  4. 4.
    Look at myself in the mirror to say, "This is it. It's go time mothafucka!" (I don't literally say this aloud, do not be alarmed. Or do I?!?!?)
  5. 5.
    See what my friends from home are up to on Facebook/Twitter.
  6. 6.
    Re-order the TV shows I need to catch up on in my mental queue.
  7. 7.
    Swipe right at least 5 times on Hinge, Jdate (where my Jews at?!), and or Tinder.
  8. 8.
    Eat something sweet. Preferably this other worldly delight:
  9. 9.
    Realize it's been over two hours since I promised myself I would start writing.
  10. 10.
    Tell myself I should smile more.
  11. 11.
    And... I write.