THE CATS > DOGS LIST

I'm not fucking around here. I catch a lot of shit for this opinion and I'm usually the only one arguing this point in large groups of people, but I'm a cat person through and through.
  1. 1.
    Cats are clean without your help. They clean themselves all the time. They even think you're grosser than they are, and they let you know --You can frequently see cats immediately licking the scum off of their bodies post-pet session.
  2. 2.
    Cats piss and shit in a box. Many people (my dog-loving girlfriend included) think this negates the first point. No, man. Don't let that box get out of control and you're fine. Some dogs (like that weird Chinese dog that looks exactly like a fucking raccoon) do this too, but I imagine it's much more of a handful with colossal dog shit.
  3. 3.
    Cats purr when they're having a good time. Do dogs purr? No. No they don't.
  4. 4.
    Cats don't /need/ you. They stick around because you feed them and pet them, and they probably really like you for those reasons, but they're not so attached to you that they'd just starve and die out in the wild without you. It's just like dating a person way out of your league. None of this unconditional love nonsense like with dogs.
  5. 5.
    Cats were worshipped in ancient Egypt. Those guys built pyramids. I'm not googling any of this shit.
  6. 6.
    You can fight your cat without getting seriously injured. In fact, you should absolutely fight with your cat, especially if you own only one. They need to play and wrestle to build survival skills in case they ever find themselves alone in the wild. The most damage a cat will ever do to you is scratch and bite your forearm. Easy fix.
  7. 7.
    Cats are way more entertaining than dogs. Whether it's chasing a toy, balancing precariously on a ledge and falling, riding around on your Roomba, or just meowing during the breaks in "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "Tequila," cats are a guaranteed bag of chuckles.
  8. 8.
    Cat purring on lap > dog drooling on lap
  9. 9.
    Most cats are able to self-regulate how much they eat. There are obviously some exceptions to this since some cats get nice and chubby, but that's in and of itself another plus if you ask me. But if your cat is prototypical, you can pretty much just fill up a huge bowl with food once a week.
  10. 10.
    Have you ever even held a kitten?
  11. 11.
    Cats are nocturnal and usually won't adapt to your sleep cycle. If you've never owned a cat before, this will probably mean you're getting woken up at 3am every night to play. But if you're a seasoned cat owner, you shut your bedroom door and feel confident that any creepy noise you hear in the night is just your cat and not a spooky ghost.
  12. 12.
    Cats can get high. Some of the happiest moments in my life are when I'm really baked and I give my cat catnip and we just play for hours. Again, I'm not googling any of this so it's certainly possible dogs have dognip.
  13. 13.
    Have you ever played a YouTube video of cats meowing to your cat? It's the best. Cats are much more vocal than dogs because the noises they make aren't as loud or abrasive. I'll take a hearty meow over a shrill bark any day of the week.
  14. 14.
    Cats generally live a lot longer than dogs. If you want to maximize the stay of a wonderful pet, get a kitten. 15 years of love, easy.
  15. 15.
    Cats don't hump you
    Suggested by   @Kellendria
  16. 16.
    A cat's brain is more similar to a human's brain than it is to a dog's.
    ...according to this thing I read once. I just think this is a cool fact. It may be the reason I relate more to cats than dogs.
    Suggested by   @Kellendria
  17. 17.
    Cats kill bugs/mice/vermin --a built in exterminator !
    When I find a dead bug/see my cat chasing a live one I shriek with pride
    Suggested by   @ruddybuddy