Substances As Exes
I'm definitely forgetting some.
- •AlMy first at the age of 20, just a tiny sip of soju with my Korean class at the end of the semester. This marked a fiery beginning to our relationship. Al made me feel confident, looser, less awkward, but sometimes made me feel absolutely horrible. Al and I are on-and-off friends now; we pretty much only get together for brunch.
- •SidSid was meant to be just an experiment, just a one time thing, but he's turned into that boy who I turn to when I've truly hit rock bottom. Sid makes me feel nostalgic, a little bit too sad, a little bit cooler but mostly just dizzy. It's not hard to stay away from Sid.
- •KlausStable, but boring. Since I met him, I didn't have as much panic about the future or the past, but it felt like something was missing. He would work so late that I always ended up falling asleep before he got back. Broke up after 9 months together.
- •PercyWas there for me when I was going through the most physical and mental pain of my life. We were never meant to be together forever, though I went back a few months later and fell in love. The scary, could-swallow-you-whole kind of love. I freaked and ran away and didn't look back until last year. He put me in the hospital, but he didn't kill me. We haven't spoken since.
- •TripExtremely short relationship. He was supposed to be good for me, promised to take away my pain, but he ended up making me feel worse than any of the others. I put up with the things he made me do for a bit, but eventually broke things off when it got too dangerous for my safety.
- •FionaThe one. Or, at least, that's what she had me thinking for a while. She'd been in my life since I was just becoming a teenager, but I never thought of her as anything other than a family friend until my sophomore year of college. To say she was a bad influence would be putting it lightly. She took away so much of my pain and made me feel invincible, but I was dependent on her, and in the end, she hurt me worse than any of the others. She was, of course, the longest relationship I had.
- •KaneA one-night stand. Met through mutual friends, had a short courtship that lasted exactly one night, and haven't met again since. Sure, we've passed by each other, but haven't really sought each other out. Tbh, I think we both think we're too good for the other.
- •ValerieAlways knew how to calm me down when I was freaking out- which, when we met, I was doing a lot of, to be fair. Just like with my other exes, I hooked up with her again a few years after we'd naturally grown apart. Just once, but like with Percy, I freaked out and called it quits before she could hurt me too.
- •JuanCurrently going steady. Encourages me to either take better care of myself, e.g. keeping me in bed all day, or gives me enough courage to go out into the world and kick some ass. Chill at parties. Either has the coolest friends or the most obnoxious friends. Can be kind of pretentious.
- •JasleneI honestly don't remember much. With pain comes pleasure, and with pain comes Jaslene.
- •PaulA fun, sweet guy with a bad rep. He knows just how to massage your shoulders to put you right out. He'll have you laughing, crying, all within five minutes. He's just that great.
- •LexaShort relationship. Overall sh wasn't a big partier, but she kept me grounded and actually seemed to be a good match. It didn't last forever but I'm definitely grateful for her.
- •LexiFirst steady s/o. We met before the hospital but solidified our relationship once we were there together. She brought some zest into my life but definitely not enough to last and not enough to get me back to myself again.
- •ZaneI thought he was the one for a long time. We tried to make things work even after the red flags started popping up. Mutual breakup.
- •AltaCurrent relationship. People keep telling me that I seem brighter, happier, and more confident now that I'm with her, and I'd agree. Still, despite what everyone says, she can't take all of my pain away and can't really handle my anxiety.