My Perfect Granola Recipe

I have a Masters in Granola Studies and a PHD in Shut Up
  1. 2 cups slivered almonds
    "This granola is grain free!" - fact/goop-y thing to say
  2. 1 cup pumpkin seeds (raw, unsalted)
    ¡Viva pepitas!
  3. 1 cup sunflower seeds (raw, unsalted)
    More seeds the merrier
  4. 1/2 cup other seeds
    Chia, hemp, sesame -- all good.
  5. 3/4 cup dried cranberries (or other dried fruit)
    Apricots, dates, raisins, you do you.
  6. 3/4 cup dried currants (or other dried fruit)
    I like tinier dried fruits in granola but you could add whatever.
  7. 1/2 cup shredded coconut
    I like the sweetened Trader Joe's kind.
  8. 1 tsp Maldon salt
    So flaky!
  9. 4 tbsp butter
    ESSENTIAL FOR CLUMPS ESSENTIAL FOR CLUMPS ESSENTIAL FOR CLUMPS
  10. 1/4 cup honey
    You could use maple syrup too but it has to be the good shit
  11. 1 tsp vanilla extract
    I don't actually know if this does anything but it smells nice
  12. Pre-heat oven to 350. Combine all dry ingredients in a big bowl.
    BOWLS ARE SUPERIOR TO PLATES but that is another list
  13. Melt honey, butter and vanilla together in a saucepan, pour onto the almond mix. Mix together until everything is well-coated and glossy.
    Really mix it, it takes about 3 minutes.
  14. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper, spread the granola out in one even layer. Bake for 30 minutes, or until it's reached your desired level of toastyness.
    I like mine pretty toasty but I always check it at 15 minutes and then 5 minute intervals after that because I love control!
  15. LET IT COOL!!!! DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! THIS IS THE HARDEST PART BUT YOURE ALMOST THERE, CHAMP!!!
    I am not fucking around with this, if you want clusters of granola this is how you get them. Leave the house if you have to but don't touch it 'til it's room temp!
  16. Once it's completely cool, break into delicious clumps, and store in an airtight container.
    You did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!