MY CHRISTMAS LIST

It's that time of year again, folks! One defined by the sweet smell of freshly-baked gingerbread, pumpkin-spiced pine needle and greed-mongering capitalists. So hold onto your reindeer reins and see what is on my, and really should be on everyone's, holiday wish list (it's non-denominational- I swear!)
  1. 1.
    Justin bieber
  2. 2.
    A hammer with which I can smash the patriarchy
  3. 3.
    Vegan, gluten-free, fair-trade milk organically extracted from the latest IPhone model
  4. 4.
    Drake's woes
  5. 5.
    A re-release of the film "Straight Outta Compton," that includes portrayal of the domestic abuse that women experienced at the hands of Dr. Dre during that period of time
  6. 6.
    Increased discussion concerning the lack of complex, thoroughly fleshed-out, and ultimately available roles for women in Hollywood
  7. 7.
    A bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think Pluto is still a planet!"
  8. 8.
    The increased utilization of witty bumper stickers