Great Reasons to Be on an App Beta Test None of My Friends Are on Yet

Allow me to enumerate the many benefits of beta testing something where I am like the week-old moldy rind in an otherwise worldly and successful fruit salad.
  1. Don't have to worry about anyone seeing my ill-considered rankings of Doritos flavors
  2. No beloved family members to sarcastically ask "Oh yeah? How many people read that post that went up on the site today that you're so proud of?" I LOVE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN MORE THAN I LOVE YOU, DAD
  3. When autocorrect changes "I love sandwiches" to "I love sanctions", can pretend you're a right-wing lunatic and no one cares
  4. Can write about how you wish all TV shows were Mr. Robot with impunity
  5. Eerily mimics normal pace of interactions at parties
  6. Eerily mimics normal pace of interactions with cat at home
  7. Can post revenge lists of five most-hated commenters like usually do in head
  8. Seriously, fave Doritos flavor rankings, v important