Things I would to for a Hamilton ticket
This will be a rolling list as I get more and more desperate. #hamilton
- •Literally quit my job
- •Tell my best friend that she is a horrible person and I never want to speak to her again
- •Tell her that I was joking about that whole thing but I got us tickets to Hamilton!!
- •Tell her jk so sorry it's just the one ticketWhich is for me, obviously
- •Commit to a life of celibacy for at least one yearThis is super easy for me to accomplish as it has inadvertently already happened
- •Get a bunch of microscopic spikes installed on my fingertips that no one can see but they're always like "why does it feel so weird when she shakes my hand?"Eventually I would just stop shaking hands which would have devastating effects on my career, but mostly everyone would consider me sooo rude
- •Sneak off to NYC, climb to the top of the Rogers and secretly become the phantom of my own lifeWould require carpentry and definitely some stealth skills and also minor starvation and exposure to heights
- •Tell my mother I am never coming home, I am being eaten by NYC and its many charms
- •When she asks me what I will do for money, tell her I have become one of those ladies that body paints themselves each day and stands in Times SquareMy mom once commented on one of these ladies as we passed through on our way to Hedwig and she said "her mother must be so proud."
- •Eat a cockroach or some heinously disgusting crawly thing
- •Take the worst seat in the house—hanging from the chandelier w/ no harness
- •Sleep with a descendent of Alexander HamiltonObviously not a terrible option
- •Vote for Donald TrumpSad but true... this actually made me feel the worst of all these things
- •Live in Antarctica for a year with all my old roommates together in a one-room holding space
- •Give $437 to my friend who lives in his parents' basement and doesn't do shitLike get a fucking job, you're 34 years old and you borrow your parents' minivan to go to the 7-11 that is literally within walking distance from your PARENTS' HOUSE because you don't want to waste your energy, you are buying "gaming grub" and hunkering down for some xbox LIVE, who the fuck do you think you are?
- •Touch a dried lotus pod; hold it in my hand for the entire performanceIf you don't know me you can't possibly understand how bad this option is