A Guide to Dating Me

  1. Take me to prom because I need to wear a dress I already bought the first time we meet
    Don't question that I was dumped two weeks ago over the phone by my (now ex) of two years.
  2. Respond to my texts for months after, we're just friends but you're cool and cute and I reaaaaaally want to date you.
    I can't make an fuckin move because I'm scared as shit.
  3. Ask me to be you're girlfriend via text during the time you took a vow of silence at Boy Scout camp.
    Of course of course of course (we were in high school, don't forget)
  4. Apparently this meant you signed on for five and a half years and counting.
    Don't question it. Embrace the many tears headed your way.
  5. Text and call daily or near daily.
    I need a ton of attention. It's my weakness.
  6. Send me dog pictures when I'm feeling sad.
    I promise I'll return the favor.
  7. Listen to all the corny ass playlists I make.
    I'll try to listen to stuff in Spanish I swear to god!
  8. Bring me food when I'm afraid to eat.
    It's so so so rare now. But you did it a lot.
  9. Let me put my cold bum or feet on you.
    This benefits us both because you're always warm!
  10. Help me move.
    Thank you a million times over.
  11. Watch the weirdest shows with me.
    I promise I'll forgive you for hating Twin Peaks.
  12. Concerts, marches, bars, you're always my guy to lean on.
    Each of these is remarkably better together.
  13. Enable my blobness, stay inside and order seamless and watch Netflix and fuck because that's both of our favorite days.
  14. Let me tell you really bad bedtime stories after begging to go to sleep early.
    I'll wake up in the middle of the night to help with nightmares. I think...
  15. Plan our dog names together and let me dream of having a lap dog.
    Lazy lazy lazy.
  16. Run with me slowly even though you slayed cross country in high school
    In return I'll make you come to yoga and laugh when you fall out of a headstand and onto me.
  17. Let me have a big life with you. Let me love you intensely and return the favor.
    💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖