ON BEING ~CHILL~ (AND WHY I'M NOT)

ManRepeller tweeted an awesome reminder about not being chill in relationships for fear of seeming crazy. It gave me feelings and thoughts and things I wanna share.
  1. I'm not a "cool girl." I pretty much never have been and I think it's okay.
  2. But somewhere in life, probably from reading too many magazines and lots of cultural pressure, I got it in my head that I had to be a woman who was up for anything, cool with whatever, ~chill~ if you will, so I didn't seem crazy, and obviously then repellent.
  3. I often hid my true feelings, especially in my first relationship. This led to me doing things I certainly wasn't cool with.
  4. And the pattern repeated itself in a lot of other parts of my life.
  5. It could be small: I didn't get a text back from a friend on something important, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to seem crazy.
  6. It was also big: I didn't say anything to my ex when I saw him holding hands with other girls at school. I didn't want to seem crazy.
    I dated that dude for two years??? He cheated on me multiple times???? What was I thinking????
  7. But eventually I learned that it's okay to not be a chill person. In fact, it works better for me.
  8. There's a quote from a Charlie Brown cartoon that I think of quite often: "Caring is the coolest thing I've ever seen anybody do."
  9. I fucking care about shit! I'm not blasé! I'm earnest as hell!
  10. And I finally have decided to embrace that.
  11. It lets me believe in things.
  12. It lets me love with my whole heart.
  13. It lets me have real, rewarding relationships when I embrace it, because it means I communicate my expectations and feelings better.
  14. And I think that's way cooler than being a ~chill person~