QUESTIONS FOR INANIMATE OBJECTS: SPORK EDITION

Given the option to interview the consciousness of a spork, here are the questions I would ask.
  1. 1.
    So, spork. Let's start with something heavy. With the gender troubles plaguing today, how do you feel about being associated with people who prefer to be gender neutral?
  2. 2.
    Lighter note. Is the variety of you with the knife edge one-upping you out of jealousy for your superior distribution?
  3. 3.
    Will there ever be metal sporks?
  4. 4.
    Follow up to 2. Is the knife engaged in a deeply rooted family rivalry with the spoon and fork families and therefore taking out that repressed anger on the child of both families?
  5. 5.
    So that plastic silverware that looks metallic... Can a spork pull that off?
  6. 6.
    Please explain this. Please. I'm scared.
  7. 7.
    Spork, why are some of your tines longer than other ones depending on the manufacturer??
  8. 8.
    Spork, how to you feel about messing up in autocorrect people who want to talk about a certain Star Trek character?
  9. 9.
    Why has nobody painted a still life of a spork???
  10. 10.
    Spork, do you more resemble a crown or horns when held behind a person's head, in your opinion?