1. There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.
  2. The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of the universe. You relinquish that position to your children.
  3. Before having a kid ask yourself “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"
  4. They're (kids) always sticky like they have jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house. Somehow, they've always got jam on their hands.
  5. Being a mom means getting out of bed at 2am because you realized the tooth fairy forget to pay up.
  6. A 2 year old is kind of like having a blender,but you don't have a top for it.
  7. I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.
  8. Bedtime: The perfect time for kids to ask questions, request food, require additional bathroom breaks, and need a new nightlight.
  9. Here's to every mother who has eaten a candy bar in a closet, because frankly, you just didn't want to share.
  10. Screaming no longer fazes me. I only get up for children at the sound of broken glass it the smell of smoke.