A Brief Overview of the Got Finale (Spoilers!)
Not super topical, I know, but I just got around to watching it.
- •Stannis obvi let Ginger Witch burn his daughter alive for no reason, then accepts death as blandly and cavalierly as he does everything else.Big ups to Brienne of Tarth for giving me a reason use the word comeuppance several times today.
- •Theon finally grows a pair (not literally! Sorry Theon! Bad eunuch joke) and saves Sansa even though she's still the most basic, privileged white girl ever and adds nearly nothing to the story.They know how to properly jump into deep piles of snow from great heights because they grew up in Alaska.
- •Arya's character arc is getting Walter White-y but with more vengeance, and she is punished by having to swipe left on a ton of CGI faces, ending with her own, and then going blind.Clearly the House of Black and White has a lot of gray area.
- •Dany's boyfriends sit around chit-chatting while she's out in the middle of nowhere with a lazy dragon who probably can't help her from all the hot Dothraki dudes and their horses fixing to gang bang her.I really hope they don't gang bang her though because I can't handle another article about how GoT perpetuates rape culture in my FB newsfeed.
- •Myrcella accepts Uncle Daddy mainly because she's horny for her exotic boyfriend, but quickly succumbs to poison (the Sand Snake bitches are ruthlessly bad ass!)!This character was obviously too content to continue in such a miserable fictional world.
- •Cersei gets the quickest pixie cut ever, then goes through a gnarly hazing ritual for the hottest new cult.She cried a little bit about all that feces getting thrown at her, but the determined look on her face at the end tells me she's not done being a manipulative bitch. (Again, COMEUPPANCE )
- •Jon Snow is led to a room of frienemies on the obvious bullshit premise that Uncle Benjen is back, where they all take turns stabbing him as he stares earnestly into their faces like the good hearted ding-dong he is (was? WAS? Please tell me it's IS somehow!).He's just mostly dead, right? Can we get Billy Crystal and Carol Kane over here?