A Few Facts About Me

Generally snd genitally speaking.
  1. 1.
    I am a twin!
    This is my sister and I in 1984. We are not identical, but look very similar from behind. To this day.
  2. 2.
    I became an aunt on May 14, when my sister and her wife welcomed baby Augustine, aka Gus.
    She was chubby straight out of the box!
  3. 3.
    A self proclaimed Masshole, I've been known to drop the occasional "r" and abuse the word wicked.
    Lesser known nuances to the charming accent of my home state: adding "r" to words like banana (bananer) and idea (ideaer). Saying bubbler instead of drinking fountain, bureau instead of dresser, and other weird ones I can't remember. Exchanging a short "o" for a short "u" i.e. "It's so hut out. Mum wants us to go pick up some pupcohn and hutdogs fuh the pahty."
  4. 4.
    I was voted best bartender in NYC in 2014 by Village Voice readers.
    For the longest time I beat myself up for not having a "real job." Then I realized that I make more money than my friends, have more fun at work, and go on way more bike rides. Suck on that, society!
  5. 5.
    I have shamelessly punned and dad-joked. No one laughed but me. But I laughed wicked hard.
    Once I entered ten puns into a pun competition. I thought they were really great and expected one to win! To my dismay, no pun in ten did.
  6. 6.
    Selfies are funny.
    Hangover selfies circa 2012!
  7. 7.
    I have several tattoos, three of which are unironic cat tattoos. My favorites are the sketch of two chicks that I share with my twin sister and the "stay healthy" one on my ass.
    "Yo ma! Stay healthy!" -my favorite catcall ever.
  8. 8.
    My cats are really fat and I don't care.
    #catgutcaturday anyone? If you want to judge me for letting Miss Doomsday gorge herself, go right ahead! I'll pay you no mind! Life is short and pretty boring if you're a house cat, so why not live it up with cans upon cans of tuna.
  9. 9.
    When I was ten I made up this joke: Q. How did Mr. Pepper become Dr. Pepper? A. He got a PhD in "fizzy"ology!
    I guess this is just a reiteration of #5, but still notable!
  10. 10.
    I am unreasonable and hypocritical about grammar.
    YOU'RE!!! (My blind spots include mispronouncing chipotle and misusing commas)