Reasons I'm the Grossest Person You Know

These are just examples from today
  1. I said to my boyfriend, "I gotta poop, and I'm taking my friend with me!" My friend was a cold slice of pizza.
  2. While walking down the street I took off my shoe to squeeze a little pus out of my ingrown toenail.
  3. After showering I put on the same pair of underwear I wore yesterday because they weren't too bad and I'm running low.
  4. I put a lot of thought into this list.