Reasons I Think I'm Beginning to Get Old

I'm only 32!
  1. My hangovers sometimes last two days.
  2. I get pain in various joints for no reason.
  3. My twenty year old neighbor called me ma'am.
  4. When I'm on vacation I go to bed before midnight.
  5. I've stopped getting carded.
  6. Men who hit on me have started using "who cares, you're too old anyway" when I reject them.
  7. I wipe my butt every time I go to the bathroom, even if I just pee.
  8. If I eat mostly healthy and exercise a few times a week I will GAIN weight.
  9. The idea of figuring out new technology gives me a panic attack.
  10. I have an IRA.
  11. I've been thinking about life insurance.
  12. I speak disdainfully about millennials.
  13. My new favorite ice cream flavor is maple walnut.