7 VERY REAL WAYS I WORRY I MIGHT DIE

  1. 1.
    As it leaves the station, the subway creates an air vacuum that sucks me on to the tracks, killing me on impact.
  2. 2.
    I slip in the shower, made slick with conditioner, and fall out and bump my head on the edge of my toilet, dying on impact.
  3. 3.
    A truck loses control on the BQE and flies off the overpass and directly into my bedroom, killing me on impact.
  4. 4.
    I fall asleep with my headphones on and they become tangled around my neck as I toss and turn, killing me slowly as the air is slowly cut off from my brain.
  5. 5.
    While crossing the street on the way to work, I roll my ankle and fall in the street right as the light changes. A car runs over my head, killing me on impact.
  6. 6.
    In a crowded meeting room, I decide to sit on the window sill. The window I'm leaning on gives out and I plunge to the sidewalk, dying on impact.
  7. 7.
    Working hard to compensate for the cold weather, the boiler in my basement explodes, blowing up my bedroom above it and sending my bed and I to the floor below, killing me on impact.