I USED TO WORRY ABOUT...

(vs. What I worry about now)
  1. Then: People offline IMing me
    Now: People that spend time checking if I've done something on another app but not responded to their texts
  2. Then: My boobs not being big enough
    Now: Be careful what you wish for
  3. Then: Forgetting to watch a show and then never being able to see the episode until it re-ran
    Now: Weekly texts from my dad telling me the current percentage of his DVR storage due to Seinfeld and Masterpiece Theater recordings I insist on him keeping for me
  4. Then: How I was going to get into Princeton Med School
    Now: Hahahahahahaaa
  5. Then: My dad finding out that I couldn't speak french
    Now: My students finding out that I don't can't use the word fleek correctly (or any other absurd new words)
  6. Then: Having enough cash to pay for a taxi
    Now: How many ubers can I charge to an expired credit card before they catch on?
  7. Then: Getting super super tan to the point of this Africa-shaped peeling that I thought of as a profound battle wound in the fight to be Paris Hilton level orange in 2006
    Now: Nightmares about having so much sun damage that I must be fully skinned if I want to survive
  8. Then: Being able to text fast enough
    Now: My handwriting has declined to the point that even I can't read it
  9. Then: Acne
    Now: Is it really worth 5 mins of sleep to wake up with enough time to even look in the mirror before work...? (Also, impending inevitable wrinkles from sun exposure listed above.)
  10. Then: People judging me for not drinking alcohol
    Now: People judging me for not ordering almond milk
  11. Then: My life being one long season of "The Truman Show"
    Now: My life being one long season of "The Truman Show"