THE UNPERFECTED ART OF BEING A HOUSE GUEST: A FUN ADVENTURE GAME

For players of all ages.
  1. 1.
    Arrival: Do you bring your belongings in right away? Or leave them in the car to get later?
    You don't want to come in too hot, but what if you didn't drive? Are you a person who arrives with 2 backpacks, a grocery bag, and 3 random ziplocks full of items that could have fit conveniently in one coordinated-person's weekend bag. What's the perfect time to go get your shit and move in like you're never leaving?
  2. 2.
    If you brought your suitcase in and there's an event going on, go to number 10. If you somehow subtly carried your baggage to your room unnoticed, continue to number 3!
  3. 3.
    Then when you do bring your stuff in it's all, "So what room in this home did you decide matches my value as a person?"
    More importantly, does this include a personal room in which to bathe and defecate? If yes, continue to number 4! If not, begin searching for outhouse, realize what this person really thinks of you, and go to number 10.
  4. 4.
    Congrats on making it this far! Pay $100 for candle and move to #5.
    Or, pay nothing and seal your fate at #10.
  5. 5.
    When you see the house, you're acting all amazed and shocked at the decor, no matter how many times you've been there. "Wow I've always forgotten how much light exposure this corner gets. Soo good for eating breakfast!"
    Have your compliments prepared before entering and move to #6. Or fumble on the spot and move to #10.
  6. 6.
    CHALLENGE: Turn on someone else's shower.
    You struggle with this one for about 40 minutes. But what's it gonna be? Get your host to tell you to turn the knob left instead of right? To space #10 you go. Or will you give this everything you have turn on this diabolical device, or even more impressive, sacrifice the shower altogether to move to #7.
  7. 7.
    Everyone's getting showered and dressed and you're trying to time it justttt right so that you exit your room late enough that you're not sitting around with a relative or alone (making host feel uncomfortable for making you wait), but early enough that you don't become that guest who is taking forever.
    Did you carve a peep hole into your door and emerge just as you were wanted? Bravo, continue to #7! If you are fumbling with a living room couch pillow for 10 minutes or exit to the sight of everyone else standing a little to near your room...#10.
  8. 8.
    You're almost there. You're home free. And then...late at night it hits you. You need a snack.
    There's only one way to do this. You've scouted out the kitchen before. You know where the starches are. You know the ice cream options. You witnessed the presence of cheese. You take the route you've already mapped out and silently glide to the kitchen, where you retrieve what you need and scurry back to your chamber, where you can devour your prize in private. Continue the journey to #9. If you have woken up ANYONE or left traces of evidence...#10.
  9. 9.
    Time to wake up! If you woke up too early or too late, go to #10. If you wake up at the exact right moment that allows you not to lay in bed for hours silent am starving AND early enough that you don't oversleep something semi-important and get comments like "I'm so happy you got so much rest!"...then you're a liar. #10.
  10. 10.
    You're dead.
    No thank you note can save you now! Better luck next time.