WAYS TO GET ME OUT OF BED

  1. Subtly remove most weighted blanket from bed.
  2. Add unnecessary weighted blankets and watch me toss and turn until I awake from drowning in a pile of sweat.
  3. Tell me I'm about to be 45-75 minutes late for work.
    Just the right amount of time; late enough that my pride will be unsalvageable when I arrive, but early enough that I still must go.
  4. Remind me that someone is coming over.
    Parent, housekeeper, handyman, etc.
  5. Place donuts across the room.
    I need to be sure that they exist, so the kitchen will not do. I also have been known to fall asleep while eating pastries so bringing them to my bed will not yield good results. Also, donuts are the only thing I truly want when I wake up.
  6. Tell me I don't have to go to work.
    The minute I hear it is a snow day or other impending disaster, I get such a rush of excitement that I can hardly breathe. Rather than catch up on sleep, I will likely bounce around my house thinking about how much I can get done today, realistically meaning how many TV shows I can re-watch while I shop online.
  7. Make a face implying, or tell me straight up, that my breath is repulsive.
    This is one of my greatest fears.
  8. Make plans on the phone, loudly enough that I can hear, but don't mention my name once.
    If I hear even a, "Oh no, she's actually sleeping," I'll feel too wanted and fall smugly back to sleep.