Inspired by @jakebrandman
  1. In 2014, so much was moving through the pop culture pipeline-that, frankly, it was hard to keep up.
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  2. Between this celebrity-packed selfie
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    "The most retweeted picture of all time," ⬅️ hello, TIME EXISTED BEFORE TWEETER, Ellen. And Bradley's arm is plenty long enough, just ask my face which he gently caresses from wherever he is on earth. 💅🏻
  3. that "Sexy Felon"
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    His sultry booking photo brings all the agencies to the prison yard.
  4. and my new haircut,
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    Immediately after this haircut, my life changed dramatically, starting with guac no longer being extra.
  5. the Internet was bound to get some cracks.
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    These were big stories, brothers and sisters. Fault lines are real.
  6. But even though BOUND 2
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    🙄
  7. Adele Dazeem,
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    My Travoltafied name is Abbi Gerbzon, and no I am not Letting It Go. ❄️
  8. And iPhone 6 happened,
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    there are no words
  9. What really broke the Internet wasn't Kim Kardashian's asstastic magazine cover.
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  10. It was Bob Costas and his eye infection.
  11. Yeah, I said it
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  12. Bob Costas
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  13. And his live-from-Sochi-pinkeye.
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  14. There was nothing more compelling, more riveting, no other story that united us more as a society, than his untimely conjunctivitis.
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    You should know that I participated in Hands Across America and that it was one of the most fantastic fails of my life.
  15. OH $HiT WHEN IT MOVED TO THAT SECOND EYE, THOUGH
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  16. All I could say was, Jesus be a fence 🙏🏼
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  17. Actually, Jesus be one drop of Neomycin / Polymyxin / Dexamethasone Ophthalmic suspension administered in the affected eye three times a day for ten days.
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  18. Because dis tew much.
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  19. I mean, if a majorly important human person cannot fix his life, how were we going to deal with Ebola?
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  20. In short, Bob Costas did more than splinter the Internet. And he did more than unite a society struggling to recover from 2013's Jonas Brothers Breakup.
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  21. Bob Costas made us afraid.
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  22. It was 2014, and we were doomed.
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