100 YEARS OF LI.ST (2014)

Inspired by @jakebrandman
  1. In 2014, so much was moving through the pop culture pipeline-that, frankly, it was hard to keep up.
  2. Between this celebrity-packed selfie
    "The most retweeted picture of all time," ⬅️ hello, TIME EXISTED BEFORE TWEETER, Ellen. And Bradley's arm is plenty long enough, just ask my face which he gently caresses from wherever he is on earth. 💅🏻
  3. that "Sexy Felon"
    His sultry booking photo brings all the agencies to the prison yard.
  4. and my new haircut,
    Immediately after this haircut, my life changed dramatically, starting with guac no longer being extra.
  5. the Internet was bound to get some cracks.
    These were big stories, brothers and sisters. Fault lines are real.
  6. But even though BOUND 2
    🙄
  7. Adele Dazeem,
    My Travoltafied name is Abbi Gerbzon, and no I am not Letting It Go. ❄️
  8. And iPhone 6 happened,
    there are no words
  9. What really broke the Internet wasn't Kim Kardashian's asstastic magazine cover.
  10. It was Bob Costas and his eye infection.
  11. Yeah, I said it
  12. Bob Costas
  13. And his live-from-Sochi-pinkeye.
  14. There was nothing more compelling, more riveting, no other story that united us more as a society, than his untimely conjunctivitis.
    You should know that I participated in Hands Across America and that it was one of the most fantastic fails of my life.
  15. OH $HiT WHEN IT MOVED TO THAT SECOND EYE, THOUGH
  16. All I could say was, Jesus be a fence 🙏🏼
  17. Actually, Jesus be one drop of Neomycin / Polymyxin / Dexamethasone Ophthalmic suspension administered in the affected eye three times a day for ten days.
  18. Because dis tew much.
  19. I mean, if a majorly important human person cannot fix his life, how were we going to deal with Ebola?
  20. In short, Bob Costas did more than splinter the Internet. And he did more than unite a society struggling to recover from 2013's Jonas Brothers Breakup.
  21. Bob Costas made us afraid.
  22. It was 2014, and we were doomed.