A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Inspired by all these bra-less lists.
  1. The scene: Twenty-four years old and newly married, I was spending a weekend in tiny little beach-house near the head of Plymouth Bay.
  2. I was wearing the definitive halter top of my life: Made of white cotton with tiny embroidered flowers, it was backless, and tied around the neck with a leather cord.
  3. Also, tiny Khaki shorts.🔥
  4. Cut to me in a heavy make-out sesh on the screened-in porch, when SUDDENLY, OUT of NOWHERE,
  5. A lady came barreling over the sand dune, red-faced and shouting.
  6. She was yelling the name of the homeowner's daughter. Who was FIFTEEN.
  7. She came IN THE HOUSE, and continued to shout/lecture me. I was stunned and, since we're all adults here, kind of topless?
  8. "B-b-b-but I'm I'm I'm NOT THE PERSON YOU THINK I AMMMMM!"
  9. I mustered some strength and exclaimed the above sentiment as if it might save me from the guillotine of her judgement.
  10. "I'm MAAAAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIEEEED! I'm a GROWN UP PERSON!" Then I looked around to gesture to my then-beloved. You know, as living proof.
  11. And he was GONE.
  12. He had fled to the back of the house and left me to fend for myself before this deranged Mrs. Poole character.
  13. Of all the things about this story, that's what I most remember.
  14. I was left alone to star in this stranger's morality play. Cue the hustle, it's time to improvise.
  15. She left, finally, but only after I stomped my foot. I couldn't use my hands to point or wave her out the door because, you know...
  16. 🚫👚🙌🏼
  17. She is probably, to this day, still disappointed in me.
  18. Sorry, lady.