A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY
Inspired by all these bra-less lists.
- •The scene: Twenty-four years old and newly married, I was spending a weekend in tiny little beach-house near the head of Plymouth Bay.
- •I was wearing the definitive halter top of my life: Made of white cotton with tiny embroidered flowers, it was backless, and tied around the neck with a leather cord.
- •Also, tiny Khaki shorts.🔥
- •Cut to me in a heavy make-out sesh on the screened-in porch, when SUDDENLY, OUT of NOWHERE,
- •A lady came barreling over the sand dune, red-faced and shouting.
- •She was yelling the name of the homeowner's daughter. Who was FIFTEEN.
- •She came IN THE HOUSE, and continued to shout/lecture me. I was stunned and, since we're all adults here, kind of topless?
- •"B-b-b-but I'm I'm I'm NOT THE PERSON YOU THINK I AMMMMM!"
- •I mustered some strength and exclaimed the above sentiment as if it might save me from the guillotine of her judgement.
- •"I'm MAAAAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIEEEED! I'm a GROWN UP PERSON!" Then I looked around to gesture to my then-beloved. You know, as living proof.
- •And he was GONE.
- •He had fled to the back of the house and left me to fend for myself before this deranged Mrs. Poole character.
- •Of all the things about this story, that's what I most remember.
- •I was left alone to star in this stranger's morality play. Cue the hustle, it's time to improvise.
- •She left, finally, but only after I stomped my foot. I couldn't use my hands to point or wave her out the door because, you know...
- •She is probably, to this day, still disappointed in me.
- •Sorry, lady.