1. For sporting:
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    I like to keep my sneakers for a good 10-15 years, or until I wear a hole in the bottom--whichever comes first.
  2. For being:
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    If I were Oprah, I'd have a pair of Minnetonkas in every color, and then I'd resurrect my talk show and stage an elaborate "Favorite Things" episode during which each member of the studio audience received a COMPLETE. MOCCASIN! WARDROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBE!
  3. For when I'm a substitute teacher:
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  4. For when I don't even know who I am anymore:
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    This is the footwear equivalent to Cheezy Blasters. Also like when my chef friend debuted a new menu item that he described as a "whole wheat pancake, stuffed with a Johnsonville Brat, topped with apple pie filling" and then wondered why everyone thought he was a stoner.
  5. Summer staple:
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    Korkease, I own these in four colors and have never paid more than $50 a pair. Super-comfortable, although the high wedge heel may cause people to throw you shade/question your judgement when you wear them to an event like the Ohio State Fair. You know what I say? Don't hate, appreciate. They really are that comfortable!
  6. Summer staple:
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    See above. 🙄
  7. Summer dressy staple:
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  8. Every time I wear these someone stops to ask me where I got them. Note the clog footbed, you'll be seeing this again.
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    The Sanita Clog footbed is the only footbed for me. I'd like to meet the person responsible for this design so I can kiss them on the mouth.
  9. Hardly ever wear these but I just can't let go:
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    If you come over I'll probably just give them to you.
  10. Looks like a boot, feels like a clog.
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    Sanita, again! All-day comfort, and they go with everything.
  11. Jeffrey Campbell Booties, found at the Goodwill.
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    Four dollars and some-odd cents. I'm kind of ambivalent about them but not ready to 🎶give up on us even if the skies get rough I'm giving you allll I've got🎶 never mind it's probably time I let them go.
  12. Okay, sometimes.
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  13. Everyone needs black heels. Some of us need new black heels.
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  14. Cheetah goes with everything:
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    These are almost two sizes too big but I continue to wear them because of my personal investment in the Yes Cheetah IS a Neutral! ™ campaign.
  15. If I have to go to a ball:
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  16. I'm still figuring these out:
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  17. Not pictured: every pair of flats my sister has given me which is exactly twenty seven thousand. Who knows, maybe I'll start a List App Shoe-O-Ganza. Yeah. That's right. Who's the real Santa now? 🎅