1. For sporting:
    I like to keep my sneakers for a good 10-15 years, or until I wear a hole in the bottom--whichever comes first.
  2. For being:
    If I were Oprah, I'd have a pair of Minnetonkas in every color, and then I'd resurrect my talk show and stage an elaborate "Favorite Things" episode during which each member of the studio audience received a COMPLETE. MOCCASIN! WARDROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBE!
  3. For when I'm a substitute teacher:
  4. For when I don't even know who I am anymore:
    This is the footwear equivalent to Cheezy Blasters. Also like when my chef friend debuted a new menu item that he described as a "whole wheat pancake, stuffed with a Johnsonville Brat, topped with apple pie filling" and then wondered why everyone thought he was a stoner.
  5. Summer staple:
    Korkease, I own these in four colors and have never paid more than $50 a pair. Super-comfortable, although the high wedge heel may cause people to throw you shade/question your judgement when you wear them to an event like the Ohio State Fair. You know what I say? Don't hate, appreciate. They really are that comfortable!
  6. Summer staple:
    See above. 🙄
  7. Summer dressy staple:
  8. Every time I wear these someone stops to ask me where I got them. Note the clog footbed, you'll be seeing this again.
    The Sanita Clog footbed is the only footbed for me. I'd like to meet the person responsible for this design so I can kiss them on the mouth.
  9. Hardly ever wear these but I just can't let go:
    If you come over I'll probably just give them to you.
  10. Looks like a boot, feels like a clog.
    Sanita, again! All-day comfort, and they go with everything.
  11. Jeffrey Campbell Booties, found at the Goodwill.
    Four dollars and some-odd cents. I'm kind of ambivalent about them but not ready to 🎶give up on us even if the skies get rough I'm giving you allll I've got🎶 never mind it's probably time I let them go.
  12. Okay, sometimes.
  13. Everyone needs black heels. Some of us need new black heels.
  14. Cheetah goes with everything:
    These are almost two sizes too big but I continue to wear them because of my personal investment in the Yes Cheetah IS a Neutral! ™ campaign.
  15. If I have to go to a ball:
  16. I'm still figuring these out:
  17. Not pictured: every pair of flats my sister has given me which is exactly twenty seven thousand. Who knows, maybe I'll start a List App Shoe-O-Ganza. Yeah. That's right. Who's the real Santa now? 🎅