1. That all the times I have personally attempted to de-stigmatize head lice through my encouraging words, proliferation of facts, and can-do spirit...are now turning on me in some strange sort of cosmic comeuppance.
  2. That the professional lice-checkers who checked my daughter's head yesterday were wrong.
  3. That after checking every head on campus, they were tired.
  4. That after sending home 35 students, they had met some sort of quota. Like, they threw in the towel/nit-comb, declared everyone else lice-free, and then hightailed it to a drive-through daiquiri stand.
  5. That my composing an original rap about lice was too far.
  6. That my itching isn't all in my head.
    That it is actually on my head. 🐜