DON'T TELL ME IT'S NOT PERSONAL
- •Because last night I trapped a cockroach under this piece of Tupperware.Like most people, when I see a giant bug, I don't panic...I mean, I live in the Deep South, where the air is like warm jello and bugs just go around basking in it like they're at a damn day spa.
- •And even though I thought things were cool, and I could go on with my life,There are lots of ways for them to get in, and while I do have an exterminator, every so often a rogue critter enters my realm.
- •He got out. (!)I could hear him scurrying around, trying to escape the plastic cage. For a while. And then things got quiet. Like he'd given up. But then it started back in again. Tiny bumps and clicks and crinkles.
- •Then, he marched on his tiny, hateful legs across my living room floor.The sounds suddenly seemed...closer. WEIRD, RIGHT?
- •And crawled up the back of an upholstered chair—I looked over to where the cockroach was trapped, expecting to see him there. But it was empty. How could that be? 🤔
- •The very chair in which I was sitting, doing a crossword puzzle.THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE 😱
- •Just to let me know.
- •Yup, this guy right here was about to hop on my shoulder and give me the answer to #29 Down.A "unit of gene activity," six letters? Oh, that's O-P-E-R-O-N
- •Uhh...excuse me. 🙋
- •But who does that? A COCKROACH WITH AN AX TO GRIND, that's who.This time, it's personal.
- •Alternate List Title: REASONS I'M LIKE THIS:goodbye everyone