1. β€’
    Because last night I trapped a cockroach under this piece of Tupperware.
    Like most people, when I see a giant bug, I don't panic...I mean, I live in the Deep South, where the air is like warm jello and bugs just go around basking in it like they're at a damn day spa.
  2. β€’
    And even though I thought things were cool, and I could go on with my life,
    There are lots of ways for them to get in, and while I do have an exterminator, every so often a rogue critter enters my realm.
  3. β€’
    He got out. (!)
    I could hear him scurrying around, trying to escape the plastic cage. For a while. And then things got quiet. Like he'd given up. But then it started back in again. Tiny bumps and clicks and crinkles.
  4. β€’
    Then, he marched on his tiny, hateful legs across my living room floor.
    The sounds suddenly seemed...closer. WEIRD, RIGHT?
  5. β€’
    And crawled up the back of an upholstered chairβ€”
    I looked over to where the cockroach was trapped, expecting to see him there. But it was empty. How could that be? πŸ€”
  6. β€’
    The very chair in which I was sitting, doing a crossword puzzle.
  7. β€’
    Just to let me know.
  8. β€’
    Yup, this guy right here was about to hop on my shoulder and give me the answer to #29 Down.
    A "unit of gene activity," six letters? Oh, that's O-P-E-R-O-N
  9. β€’
    Uhh...excuse me. πŸ™‹
  10. β€’
    But who does that? A COCKROACH WITH AN AX TO GRIND, that's who.
    This time, it's personal.
  11. β€’
    Alternate List Title: REASONS I'M LIKE THIS:
    goodbye everyone