🚫
  1. Because last night I trapped a cockroach under this piece of Tupperware.
    Static
    Like most people, when I see a giant bug, I don't panic...I mean, I live in the Deep South, where the air is like warm jello and bugs just go around basking in it like they're at a damn day spa.
  2. And even though I thought things were cool, and I could go on with my life,
    Giphy
    There are lots of ways for them to get in, and while I do have an exterminator, every so often a rogue critter enters my realm.
  3. He got out. (!)
    Giphy
    I could hear him scurrying around, trying to escape the plastic cage. For a while. And then things got quiet. Like he'd given up. But then it started back in again. Tiny bumps and clicks and crinkles.
  4. Then, he marched on his tiny, hateful legs across my living room floor.
    Giphy
    The sounds suddenly seemed...closer. WEIRD, RIGHT?
  5. And crawled up the back of an upholstered chair—
    Giphy
    I looked over to where the cockroach was trapped, expecting to see him there. But it was empty. How could that be? 🤔
  6. The very chair in which I was sitting, doing a crossword puzzle.
    Giphy
    THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE 😱
  7. Just to let me know.
    Giphy
  8. Yup, this guy right here was about to hop on my shoulder and give me the answer to #29 Down.
    Static
    A "unit of gene activity," six letters? Oh, that's O-P-E-R-O-N
  9. Uhh...excuse me. 🙋
    Giphy
  10. But who does that? A COCKROACH WITH AN AX TO GRIND, that's who.
    Static
    This time, it's personal.
  11. Alternate List Title: REASONS I'M LIKE THIS:
    Static
    goodbye everyone