1. Every person in this room is a hair-removal devotee.
    Like, for real. Guess we're no longer letting things slide during the winter months. Also, are we tanning now?
  2. I was told there were all shapes and sizes in this class
    ...and the main reason I came was because I pictured just a hot beautiful mess of humanity getting their stretch on, and that sounded like something I could really get into.
  3. So why is everyone so blonde & bronze & perfect?
    Just an observation. Also, I see you eyeing my thigh gap in the mirror & want you to know I did nothing to create it. Largely determined by tendon length and pelvic width, this supposed signifier of thinness is little more than a social media phenomenon designed to make you feel bad about yourself.
  4. Opening breathing exercises: how weird that there's a gigantic street-sweeping truck outside a strip-mall yoga studio!
    OH MY GOODNESS THE SUCKING NOISE IS NOT A MACHINE IT'S THE GUY IN THE FRONT ROW WITH THE SKULL-PRINT BOOTY SHORTS. Why is he doing this?!
  5. Rocking my hips back and forth is oddly like this dance a kid from my high school used to do at every pep rally.
    The Gary Haskins Butt Dance is happening. 🙌🏼🙌🏼 Namaste.
  6. I should not have had the piece of fudge before class.
    Damn it, Alli. Also the gigantic fizzy water.
  7. It is one hundred and five degrees AF in here.
  8. I wonder if this place is regulated by any sort of governing body?
    Like, is there a chance the temperature has soared to 125 degrees and no one notices and/or cares because they're too busy achieving a higher state of consciousness?
  9. It is easily one 115 in here. I should know; I used to own a greenhouse. I guess I still own it, technically.
  10. Should I say something? About the heat?
  11. I did sign a waiver. And agree to "leave my judgement at the door."
    I probably should have taken some time to get my affairs in order. Who will raise my children? Why is everything sort of white and sparkly around the edges?
  12. I'm just going to rest for a while on my mat. I think I will live if I am very very still.
  13. I am in the room. I am still in the room.
    Every few seconds, though, I am in an all-white apartment in Palm Beach in the late 80's, I have food poisoning from the Chicken In A Bird's Nest at that weird Chinese Restaurant and now I'm on the carpet and my mom is trying to wake me up by placing a cool cloth on my forehead but she can't because I'm too dehydrated and now I've ruined vacation all because I misordered.
  14. I'm sorry about the carpet, Mom. Thank you for trying to save my life. This damp cloth smells really nice.
  15. Oh, is this Alicia, the instructor? Is this the part of class where you get the eucalyptus towel? DID I LIVE?
  16. "Yes, Alicia I WAS just really feeling Savasana today!"
    Way to honor my body, I know. 🎆🎇
  17. I