LET'S GET PHYSICAL: THANKSGIVING BREAK CALAMITIES LIST
Organizing them makes me feel better.
- •Setting the tone: I forgot my daughter's suitcase.Just left it in her room. NBD. 😭
- •Then I discovered SHE HAD LICE
- •Second Entry for SHE HAD LICE
- •One more time for the cheap seats: SHE HAD HEAD LICE. AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE.After treating the tiny human, I took ALL THE BED LINENS from my parents' house to the laundromat in town and just dried those critters on super-high heat for LOTS OF MINUTES. Seriously, this was me: put everything in the gigantic dryers, order some chicken wings from the bar across the alley, and sit there reading junk mail for hours. It was actually sort of luxurious, all that uninterrupted time. Plus the white noise. 👌🏽
- •Next Up: I was at a poetry open mic night and my table was wobbly so I went underneath to fix it. In my favorite dress.The table came down on my finger. I also tore my dress.
- •Then I sprained my wrist.I don't even know how this happened. I thought it might have been from post-holiday bowling? But WRONG HAND.
- •Then I developed a very strange wheezing sound.I thought it was the belt on my dad's treadmill but then, realized the sound was coming from me.
- •Then it started raining frogs.JK, JK.
- •Seriously, though: on the last day, my nephew DID pee in my bedroom. He's eight. He was laughing really hard I guess.
- •We made it home, but only after getting lost in the WRONG PARKING GARAGE for a really long time.Six suitcases, two kids, one grown-up trying to keep the hope alive.