MIDDLE SCHOOL FIELD REPORT FROM A KID IN THE TRENCHES

🍽 dinner-time debriefing is how we cope 🍽
  1. Him: "Well I figured out some things today."
  2. "I was just sitting there in English, looking at my worksheet, when out of nowhere my cheeks felt really red. And I looked down, Mom, and I COULD ACTUALLY SEE THE REDNESS. WITH MY EYES."
  3. "So I asked my teacher, 'Can I use the bathroom?' And right after I said it I knew: it's MAY I USE THE BATHROOM. This was just on our test last week. DANG IT!"
  4. "Anyway, she said yes, and so I walked into the bathroom, except there was a fifth grader in there at the sink—so I went into a stall and pretended to use the bathroom until he left, and then I jumped out and bolted the main door like a big weirdo."
  5. "I was really creepy about it."
  6. "And then I looked in the mirror and saw up close how red my cheeks were, and I thought I can't just be out in public like this, THIS IS CRAZY."
  7. "I have to do something!"
  8. "So I rubbed soap all over them."
  9. "And then I put a bunch of hot water on them."
  10. "And then cold water."
  11. "And then I dried them with a paper towel."
  12. "And then, MOM! My whole face was red."
  13. "And so I started to walk back to English, and I thought, okay so now my whole face is red, maybe no one will notice my cheeks."
  14. "But when I got to my seat, you want to know what the very first thing somebody said to me was?"
  15. Me: "Why are your cheeks so red?"
  16. Him: "No. He asked me why I had such a weird haircut."
  17. 😩